


(not) the same as it ever was

by laireshi



Category: Marvel 616, New Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Skrull Tony, nothing graphic or violent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 15:42:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2115552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laireshi/pseuds/laireshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is acting strange.</p><p>It starts making sense when the Avengers find Skrulls in New York.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(not) the same as it ever was

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nightwalker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightwalker/gifts).



> Thanks to [runningondreams](http://archiveofourown.org/users/runningondreams) for beta :)
> 
> The "rape/non con" warning is there for Steve having (off screen) sex with Skrull Tony, thinking it was Tony.
> 
> (New Avengers, pre-CW)
> 
> There's a Chinese translation [here](http://www.movietvslash.com/thread-133491-1-1.html), by [cassandrachen](http://cassandrachen.tumblr.com).

Tony swears. He angrily powers down his work station.

“Can I help?” Steve asks. He can’t really, but he knows Tony enjoys having someone to talk to, and often solves a problem after trying to explain it out loud.

But Tony just shakes his head. “I love you, but you’re not a nuclear expert,” he says with a short laugh. “I’m going to talk to Reed.”

It’s true. Steve isn’t sure why it stings.

***

A week later, Tony gets down on one knee.

“Marry me,” he says.

Steve can’t find his voice, so he just kisses him, again and again.

***

The ring Tony makes for him is a simple band. There’s a red stone in it. It can mean so many things: Tony’s armour, Steve’s suit, red like the roses Steve got him on their first date (he half-expected Tony to laugh at him, call him sentimental. He didn’t expect him to stop talking and take them, almost shellshocked. He definitely didn’t expect him to keep the flowers, dried, in his workshop).

The ring is, in one word, beautiful.

Steve has planned how telling the team would go, but as soon as he enters the room, Tony on his heels, Mary Jane stands up and squeals. “Oh my god, is that –”

Peter looks at her, clearly not understanding. “What do you mean?”

“The ring,” Mary Jane says, and then it’s a flurry of surprising shouts and congratulations.

“You’re just stealing our ideas,” Luke says, holding Jessica’s hand, smiling with all his face.

“Doubtful,” Tony says coldly, and they all stop and stare at him.

He smiles a moment later, as if he was joking, but something isn’t right.

***

Steve has Tony pinned under him. Tony’s twisting his body, trying to get out. Steve doesn’t let him.

“Give,” he says.

Tony slaps the mat three times and Steve gets off him. The training has just started; the fun they could have with some of the positions can come later.

But Tony leaves. “I suppose brutal strength makes up for intellect,” he says.

Steve feels as if Tony hit him. He must have heard him wrong, he rationalizes.

***

Tony kisses every inch of his body. “The science behind it,” he whispers.

Steve wants to protest, push him away and ask what the hell is going on with him, but then Tony swallows him whole and it feels as good as it always does.

***

Tony’s taking apart a bomb found under the Tower when the Avengers alarm sounds.

For a moment, Steve doesn’t want to leave him alone. Someone targeted them, left the bomb in the parking lot, it was just luck Tony found it.

“Go,” Tony says without looking at him. “It’s not as if you can help here.”

Steve leaves without a word.

***

The alert leads them to the suburbs of New York. There has been an explosion and smoke is still in the air.

A police officer stops them. “It didn’t seem like Avengers business,” she says. “We only called you when we saw the bodies.”

They look where she’s pointing, and Steve swears. The corpses are green, alien, with long ears.

Skrulls.

Wolverine’s claws are out.

“As far as we could tell,” the police officer continues, “the explosion buried the building, but there are basements on the plans for this area, and –”

“We’ll take it from here.” Steve nods.

They manage to get enough of the rubble cleared to get to a hatch leading down. Wolverine opens it, and swears.

“What’s the matter?” Steve asks.

“You should stay here,” Wolverine says suddenly, and just like that, Steve knows.

***

Tony – if he is Tony, of course – is bleeding from a stomach wound, and clutching what looks like a detonator device in his hands.

Steve wants to run to him, but he’s wary. It can be another Skrull who noticed which of their members isn’t with them, but deep down Steve feels it’s Tony, if only because the Tony he’s been waking up to lately didn’t feel like Tony at all.

“Hey, guys,” Tony says quietly.

Steve doesn’t step closer to him. He can’t. It’s –

He can’t.

“I’ll call Reed Richards,” he says, all but running away.

No one calls after him.

***

When they take Tony outside, he’s unconscious, and Peter is pressing at the wound in his stomach. Reed scans Tony even before he’s loaded onto an ambulance, and Steve calls Carol, gets her scanned too and asks her to subdue the Skrull who’s hiding in Tony’s skin.

He thinks it should be him doing that, but he’s not sure if he’s capable of looking at the Skrull now.

He doesn’t let himself feel.

He should have noticed it wasn’t Tony. It was so obvious.

Tony’s taken to hospital, and Steve stays at the explosion scene and helps with the clean-up.

Physical work helps him deal with guilt and the most important question of all: _how long_?

He calls Peter, asks for updates, breathes with relief when he hears Tony’s out of the surgery and all right.

At the end of the day, tired and sweaty, he finally goes to see Tony. He finds him still under sedation, so he grabs himself a chair and falls asleep at his bedside.

***

He wakes up to fingers slowly running through his hair.

“Hi,” Tony says.

“I’m sorry,” Steve answers.

Tony looks away. “Not your fault,” he says. “Did he – did he hurt you?”

Steve closes his eyes tight. “How long?” he asks instead.

“After we got Sentry back,” Tony says. “I went back to scan the street,” he says. “Don’t remember much after that.”

After Steve asked him out for the first time, after Tony asked him to move in to his bedroom, then. So at least that was theirs.

Before Tony – no, not him – asked Steve to marry him.

Steve is very grateful he was too tired to take off his gloves last evening.

“You didn’t answer,” Tony says, sounding weak and yet worried.

Steve kisses the top of his hand, thinks of To – the Skrull – telling him he’s too stupid to help. “No,” he lies.

He throws the ring away as soon as he’s alone.

He doesn’t see where it falls. He doesn’t care.

***

“He didn’t break up with you,” Tony says, stepping around the issue.

“No,” Steve says, feeling empty. The Skrull was a perfect copy of Tony. It felt like him, when he was kissing him, touching him.

“I’m sorry,” Tony says.

“Don’t,” Steve asks.

“I understand if you …”

“No,” Steve interrupts before he can finish the sentence. “No. Tony. I love you. He –”

“He used you,” Tony says. “He –”

“Don’t,” Steve says again. “Please.”

Tony grips his hand tight.

***

“I should have noticed,” Steve says the day Tony’s back in the Tower from hospital.

“You couldn’t,” Tony says. “He had my memories. He wanted more intel. You couldn’t have.” He sounds guilty, as if it was his fault, but Steve can’t focus on that.

Tony’s memories. Tony’s thoughts.

How much of it was the Skrull’s addition?

***

Steve lies next to Tony and doesn’t get a minute of sleep.

He gets up at 5 AM, goes for his run, takes a shower and prepares breakfast.

Tony walks in a few minutes later, makes himself coffee and stares in the cup as if he’s hoping to find the answer to the sense of life there. Jessica Drew shows up, still in her suit. “Reed scanned all of NY S.H.I.E.L.D. too for a good measure,” she says. “They’re clear.”

Steve nods. Peter walks in next, yawning and rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

“So it was just me,” Tony says.

“I guess the wedding is off, then,” Peter says.

Tony’s cup shatters on the floor.

***

“I’m sorry,” Steve says.

“Stop apologising!” Tony snaps. “It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t –”

“Neither was it yours!” Steve says.

“I should have been able to stop them sooner,” Tony says.

“I should have noticed it wasn’t you,” Steve says for what feels like the millionth time.

“You couldn’t have,” Tony replies, as he always does, and Steve remembers the Skrull telling him, _you can’t help, I’ll ask Reed_.

He wants to scream.

“He proposed to you,” Tony says, very, very quietly. “He proposed and you said yes.”

“I thought it was you,” Steve says. He sits down on the floor, leans his head on his knees.

He doesn’t mean to cry, but moments later Tony hugs him, loosely, as if afraid of being pushed away, and Steve hides his face in Tony’s shoulder and shakes.

***

“You know I’d marry you,” Tony says, staring into empty space.

Steve flinches.

“I’m not saying –” Tony stops himself. “Damn it. Not now, not when it wasn’t me – none of us wants it. But in the future. If you had me. I – I would. That wasn’t just the Skrull.”

Something inside Steve snaps. “What else wasn’t just him?” he asks sharply. “What else did he do that you were too afraid to?”

Tony looks at him with wide eyes. “What do you mean?” he says.

“Why are you even with me?” Steve demands.

“I love you,” Tony says. “Did you hit yourself on the head, Steve? Dammit, I love you with all my being, what is it about?”

Steve doesn’t look at him. “You don’t need me,” he says.

Tony takes in a breath like a sob. “Is this you breaking up with me?” he says not like a question at all.

“You tell me that!” Steve yells. “Why are you with me? You’re a genius, you’re a futurist, I’ll never understand what you’re doing, you don’t need me –”

“Steve.” Tony’s suddenly next to him, his arms around Steve, holding him with all his strength. Steve could break his hold easily. He doesn’t. “Steve,” Tony repeats. “It’s not – god, Steve. I love you, okay? I’m a futurist, I can’t think of a future without you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you have to know that. You can’t help me in the lab, so what, I’ll never be on your level physically, does it mean I’m not enough for you, Steve –” His voice breaks.

“Brutal strength isn’t –”

“Is that what he told you?” Tony asks. “Because I’ve _never_ thought that and I never will, Steve, you’re so much more than you think …” He trails off. “I don’t deserve you at all,” he says.

“Stop saying that,” Steve snaps at him. “You deserve so much more –”

“Listen to your own damn advice,” Tony says. “ _Stop saying that_ , stop _thinking_ that, just – trust me. Do you trust me?”

Steve forces him to let go then, holds his hands and takes a step back, just enough to see his eyes, blue, frantic, worried.

This is _his_ Tony.

There’s really only one answer.

“Yes.”

“Then trust me in this too,” Tony says. “I love you, and that’s it.”

It’s not that easy.

“Okay,” Steve says.

**Author's Note:**

> I put stevetony drabbles on [my tumblr](http://laireshi.tumblr.com) too :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cracks Beneath (The White Liars Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6079488) by [fandomfrolics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomfrolics/pseuds/fandomfrolics)




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